When a Child Can’t Say the Words

People like to imagine that harm only happens in “bad homes,” “dangerous neighborhoods,” or behind locked doors. It’s comforting to believe that. It makes the world feel predictable.

But that’s not how it works.

My own incident didn’t happen in a dark room or at the hands of a stranger. It happened in front of people. In a place where I should have been safe. And it wasn’t an adult—it was another kid. A kid who knew exactly how to cross a line while everyone else looked away.

No one stepped in. No one asked if I was okay. No one even seemed to register what was happening.

Except one person. One voice that finally said, “Stop.”

That moment taught me something I didn’t have the words for then: harm doesn’t follow stereotypes. It doesn’t wait for privacy. It doesn’t require an adult perpetrator. And silence—whether from confusion, discomfort, or denial—can be just as damaging as the act itself.

What Adults Often Miss

Experts say that children rarely disclose harm directly. They show it. And those signs can be subtle, especially when the incident doesn’t fit the “expected” pattern.

Some of the most common indicators include:

Physical signs

- Unexplained injuries  

- Pain or discomfort without a clear cause  

Behavioral signs

- Sudden withdrawal or fearfulness  

- Avoiding certain people or places  

- Acting out, anger, or shutting down  

Emotional signs

- Anxiety, sadness, or sudden mood shifts  

- Hypervigilance—always on edge  

- Low self‑worth or self-blame  

Neglect-related signs

- Chronic hunger or poor hygiene  

- Frequent absences  

- Lack of medical or emotional support  

These signs don’t automatically mean abuse. But they always mean a child needs attention, safety, and someone willing to see what others overlook.

What I Needed Then

During my incident, I didn’t need someone to interrogate me. I needed someone to notice the shift in my body language. The way I froze. The way I avoided eye contact. The way my entire presence changed.

Children don’t always scream for help. Sometimes they go silent. Sometimes they laugh it off. Sometimes they pretend nothing happened because they don’t know what else to do.

I didn’t have the words. But I had the signs. And I wish someone had known how to read them.

Why This Matters for Parents Today

If you’re raising kids—or around kids—you are part of their safety net. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be paying attention.

Here’s what helps:

- Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it deserves a second look.  

- Don’t rely on stereotypes. Harm can come from peers, siblings, cousins, friends—anyone.  

- Notice patterns. One odd moment is normal. A sudden shift is not.  

- Create space for honesty. Kids talk when they feel safe, not when they feel pressured.  

- Believe them. Even if the story is messy or incomplete.  

The Lesson I Carry Forward

My memoir tells the long version. This post is the short one:

Harm doesn’t always hide in the shadows.  

Sometimes it happens in the open.  

Sometimes it’s done by another child.  

And sometimes the silence of the crowd hurts just as much as the act itself.

If sharing my story helps even one adult recognize the signs in a child they love—or a child they simply cross paths with—then the girl I once was finally gets the protection she needed.

Call to Action: Be the One Who Sees

If you’re reading this, you already care. That matters.

Now take the next step.

- Pay attention to the quiet kids.  

- Speak up when something feels off.  

- Learn the signs. Share them.  

- Create space for truth—even when it’s uncomfortable.  

- Be the adult who doesn’t look away.

You don’t have to be a therapist, a teacher, or a parent to make a difference. You just have to be someone who sees